


Step out of the Black and White

by OTPGirl



Category: Black Friday - Team StarKid
Genre: He's 0 out of 2 when it comes to surviving doomsday, I guess that Wilbur isn't a complete asshole in this, M/M, McNamara has a really bad success rate, Never mind he is still a absolute ass, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, So far Wiggly is mentioned but IDK if he will actually show up or nah, Tags Are Hard, The Black And White, Why don't we change that, ya know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-08
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:02:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22166086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OTPGirl/pseuds/OTPGirl
Summary: Xander and John have been in a relationship for a year and a half. John shares with Xander the stories of Wilbur Cross, his old mentor (Xander senses there is more to the story than that, but he doesn't want to push) and how he went insane in the Black and White. Everything with Wiggly happens and John goes into the Black and White to save Howard, but now he is slowly dying. Wilbur is watching from afar but the feelings (TM) from years ago come back and he just can't sit by and watch John suffer. So Wilbur saves him and brings him back to PEIP. Will John and Xanders relationship survive now that Wiley is back in the picture? Will John be able to convince Wilbur to come back to the side of the truly good. Is there even such a thing as being truly good?
Relationships: General McNamara/Wilbur Cross, General McNamara/Xander Lee
Comments: 18
Kudos: 31





	1. Chapter 1

John watched as President Goodman escaped back through the portal, collapsing to the ground to the ground the moment Howard was gone and the portal shut tight behind him, no longer having the energy to pretend that he wasn’t feeling the effects of being in the Black and White without a suit. He felt his body slowly disintegrating and it was not a pleasant feeling.

“Well, if it isn't the great General John McNamara.” A hauntingly familiar voice mockingly called out to him. “How does it feel to be so helpless?” John pushed himself up to a less vulnerable sitting position on shaking arms before looking up into the smirking face of a ghost from long ago.

“Hello Wilbur.” John forced out, his voice only shaking slightly from the pain. “Sorry to crash in on you unannounced, but you know that I just can’t help it when the end of days is involved.” Wilbur Cross shook his head and let out a low chuckle, offering a hand out to the man on the ground.

John hesitated, looking for any signs of malcie or trickery in the other mans face. Seeming content with what he found, or rather didn’t find, in Wilbur’s expression, he accepted the hand offered by the taller man. 

Wilbur helped John slowly get to his feet, letting the blond man hold tight to his arm. Wilbur waited for John to be steady on his feet before withdrawing his hands. If his touch lingered a little longer than strictly necessary, who could blame him? He never thought that he would have the chance to have John in his arms again in any capacity. Not after……. well it doesn't really matter, he was just content to be this close to the other man again.

“Thanks.” John grunted, eyes looking anywhere but at Wilbur. He took a few deep, steadying breaths before finally looking up at Cross. “I have a feeling that this isn’t just a friendly conversation between old friends. What do you want Wilbur, or should I call you Uncle Wiley now?” John was using his best ‘ I’m in charge here and you will do what I say’ voice that he has perfected in the time since Wilbur left to become Wiggly’s right hand man. Wilbur was almost impressed.

Almost.

“Friends? Is that what they're calling it now? And if I remember correctly, you used to like calling me something else, but it definitely wasn’t Uncle.” Wilbur gave John a lecturous wink and enjoyed the obvious blush that he was trying to hide. “But you don’t have a lot of options here John. Join Wiggly and he can save you. You and I can fight on the same side again. We were always a great team. We can bring Wiggly to the world! You know what the right choice here is.”

John was quiet for a long time breathing heavily, staring at the ground, jaw clenched tight. Wilbur was just about to say something when he heard a soft shaking sound. It almost sounded like…… crying? Wilbur reached a hand out to put it on Johns shoulder, but the sound got louder and he was able to properly hear it. John wasn’t crying, he was laughing. A cold humorous laugh, but a laugh nonetheless.

“You’re right Cross, I do know what the right choice is.” McNamera looked at Wilbur, a cold furry in his eyes. “I will never, and I mean never, join you! I would rather sit here and feel my body deteriorate atom by atom, then help you take over the world. And once upon a time you would have said the same. But that ... thing has corrupted your mind.” 

Wilbur shook his head. “You don’t understand John, he didn’t corrupt my mind, he opened it up. I was blind before, just like you are now. But John, believe me when I say-” Wilbur was suddenly cut off when John collapsed again. Wilbur reached out and caught the falling man, pulling John against his own chest and slowly sliding down to the floor. Johns breathing was quiet and quite strained. 

“John? John!” Wilbur shaked the almost unconscious man who only had the strength to look up at him. Nearby a portal opened back up and Wilber could hear the idiots on the other side counting down to a missile being deployed into the Black and White. He couldn’t help but let out a dark chuckle, knowing that their plan would not end how they hopped. His attention was drawn back to John as Wilbur felt the dying man’s head lull to side as he lost consciousness. Wilbur was suddenly stuck with an idea.

In return for helping Wiggly Wilbur was granted powers that allowed him to survive in the Black and White and travel between dimensions. What if….. what if there was some way for him to stretch his powers just a bit. What if he was able to prevent John from disappearing for just a few more seconds, just long to drag him through the portal as P.E.I.P shoved the mistle in. Wilbur had obviously never tried anything like this before, he never had a reason to. Call him sentimental, but he couldn’t let John die in his arms without trying. Not after everything they were.

Wilbur stood up and started moving quickly to the portal, half carrying half dragging John along. John was lighter than he looked, almost as if he hadn’t been eating properly in the past several months or even years. As they were moving Wilbur focused on trying to keep John alive.

The way he tried to picture it in his mind was as if he had his arms wrapped around John, holding the other man together. It seemed to work because John’s breathing seemed to come easier. As the two men got closer to the portal Wilbur could see the top of the mistle go through the portal and he could hear the voices and what they were saying get much clearer.

“....it is entering the Black and White. Detonation in five…. four….. three ...” An unfamiliar voice spoke before being cut off by President Goodman. 

“Merry Christmas Mother Fucker!” Wilbur rolled his eyes at that. How boringly immature of the man who is supposed to be running America.The two men slipped through the portal just as the countdown got to one. 


	2. Chapter 2

Xander watched with a heavy heart as the nuclear missile went into the Black and White. He knew that there was nothing he could have done to stop John from going in. And he knew that this is what  _ he  _ wanted them to do, but damn it he felt as if he was killing John by sending the missile in.

When the countdown ended and there was nothing indicating that the missile exploded he looked around the room confused. He and Erik M. Herbert (the other PEIP agent) made eye contact and the other man shrugged. 

"Did it go off?" President Goodman asked, voicing the question on the minds of everyone in the room. " Where's the explosion? Shouldn't we be hearing an explosion!?" The panic in his voice was evident.

Out of the corner of his eye, Xander saw movement coming from the portal. He quickly stepped between the President and the portal, raising his gun and aiming it at the emerging figure. Wait, not figure……  _ figures.  _ A man who looked vaguely familiar came into view supporting an unconscious John McNamara.

Xander wanted to drop his gun and run over to him, but firmly held his ground because two things are true, firstly he is a soldier fighting a war against an otherworldly being, one whose full powers are still unknown. Secondly John would absolutely murder him if he ever did something so stupidly rash durring a situation a tense as the one they were currently in. 

“Wait, General MaNamera? I thought you said……. I thought you were dead!” President Goodman took his helmet off and peaked out from behind Xander. Xander took a deep breath and resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Goodman is lucky that the guy supporting John seems to be nonviolent, at least for the moment.

“Ok whoever you are, put your hands up and walk slowly towards me.” Xander kept his gun pointed firmly at the unknown man’s head, keeping his gaze anywhere but John’s face. The man quirked up an eyebrow, looked pointedly down at John, then back at Xander.

“Well, I could do that. However that would make me drop our friend here, and if it’s all the same to you I’d rather not do that at the moment. Not after all I went through to keep him alive.” Wilbur had a rather cocky tone of voice and it made Xander want to punch him in the face. He looked over at Erik and subtly nodded his head. The soldier slowly moved over to the man holding up the General and took his weight from the unknown man. The man stared intently at Erik as if he was ready to snap the other man neck if he dropped John. He probably was. Erik took John out of the room and down the hall into the infirmary. 

“Ok, now put your hands up! I will not hesitate to shoot you!” Xander spoke, drawing the strange man's attention back to him. His dark eyes seemed to pierce into his soul, almost as if he knew more about Xander than Xander himself knew. It made him deeply uncomfortable. The man smirked and put one hand in his pocket and used the other hand to point over his shoulder back at the portal. 

“If it’s all the same to you I think I’ll just go back through the portal. No offense to you all here but, I would really rather be anywhere then back at this dreadful place.” He looked around at the room giving a disgusted look as he did so. He looked at Xander’s gun gun and rolled his eyes. “It’s been fun, but I really must be getting back, the boss isn’t always the most forgiving, I’m sure you understand.” He turned to walk away and Xander took that as his chance, he lined up his shot with the man’s shoulder and pulled the trigger. 

The man must have felt it because he reached back and pulled the knockout dart out of his back. “Oh” he began, his voice already slurring due to the drugs that were injected into his system. “You sneaky ... son of a….” He didn’t get to finish his sentence because he fell to the ground, unconscious. Xander walked hesitantly over to the body on the floor and softly kicked him with the toe of his boot double checking that the man was truly knocked out and not just faking it to make them lower their guard.

When he was certain that it wasn’t just a ruse he sighed and looked over at Goodman.    
“Mr. President, are you ok?” Howard looked up at him and nodded , before looking past Xander to get a better look at the man on the ground.

“Hey, this is the guy from inside the Black and White. He seems to be Wiggly’s right hand man. John seemed to know him.” Xander looked from the President to the other man and really looked at him, and suddenly a light bulb clicked on in his head. He looked up from the man to the room down the hall that he knows John is in. 

“Damn it John, what did you get yourself into this time?” Xander whispered to himself causing Howard to look over at him. Xander shook his looking back at the President. “Come one Mr. President, let's get you back to Washington.” Xander led Howard to the hanger and saw him safely onto AirForce one. Once the President was in the air he made his way to the infirmary, telling two other agents to take Wilbur to an interrogation room on his way there. 

Xander confidently walked into the infirmary and looked over at Erik. “How’s he doing Herbert?” Xander took the chart that the other man handed to him. He quickly skimmed the information on the pages before looking back up at the other man.

“Honestly? I’m… not really sure. It seems like his cells started to deteriorate, but something stopped it from happening. I don’t know what could have done something like that, but whatever it was, it definitely saved the Generals life.” Xander nodded and handed the chart back to Erik.

“Thank you for the analysis Herbert. Go watch the man in interrogation room 4 and come let me know the moment he regains consciousness, understood?”

“Yes Sir!” Erik saluted before he turned and left the room. Xander waited until he was certain the younger man was gone before he sat down heavily in the chair next to the hospital bed. He scrubbed his hand across his face and leaned forward so his arms were resting on his legs. This damn day was dragging and he couldn't wait for it to be over. 

Xander looked up to the figure on the bed. His heart hurt seeing John laying there, and it was made even worse due to the fact that this was the calmest he had seen the other man in a long time, almost since they started dating.

He thought back to earlier that day, when John ran into the portal, ignoring Xanders cries for him to stop. Xander thought that he was never going to see John again, but he had hope. Then Howard returned without him and Xander could feel his heart shattering in his chest. He couldn’t afford to show any emotion at the time, he had to see the mission through to the end. And then…..

Wilbur Cross. Wilbur. Fucking. Cross.John’s old mentor, and Xander was certain there was more to their relationship than John was saying. Wilbur never thought that he would come face to face with the man, especially not after all the stories he had heard about the man losing his mind and becoming a devout servant of Wiggly. 

Xander shook those thoughts from his head and reached out, taking John’s hand, the one not attached to an I.V., from where it lay on the blanket he was covered in. Xander reached out with his other hand and touched Johns face, careful of the oxygen tube in his nose. He softly traced the edge of John’s jaw with his thumb before leaning over and lightly kissing the unconscious man on the forehead. Xander sat back in the chair, keeping ahold of the other man’s lax hand. 

“You have to wake up soon John, I need you here with me.” His voice was quiet and full of emotion. He felt thankful that no one else was around to see a slight tremor running through his body as all the emotions from the day hit him at once. He struggled to keep the tears from flowing down his face. 

But if one tear escaped, no one was there to say anything about it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I named Robert's PEIP agent Erik. His full name is Erik Matthew Herbert (thanks Black Friday discord!)  
> He has a part to play in the story (a small one, but still) and I got attached.
> 
> I was 100% planning on this being John/Wilbur end game, but I'm falling in love with John/Xander


	3. Chapter 3

Xander sat there for what felt like hours, but actually it was only about forty five minutes, when Erik came back in the room to let him know that Wilbur was awake. He looked back over at John, who was showing no signs of waking up any time soon, before walking down the hall to interrogation room 4, where Wilbur is sitting in a metal chair, leaning against the back, arms crossed across his chest.

“So, Colonel Wilbur Cross. It’s nice to finally have a face to associate with the stories I’ve heard.” Xander strode confidently into the room, closing the door firmly and pointedly behind him. Wilbur looked lazily over at him, raising a single unimpressed eyebrow.

“Yes it’s me, hello. You can call me Colonel Cross, or even just Colonel if you feel so inclined” Wilbur gave a jaunty wave. “I’m sure John has told you only the best stories about me. And…. you are?” He sat up straight, crossing his left leg on top of his right, planting his elbow on the table, and resting his head in the palm of his hand, a smirk dancing across his lips.

Xander took a deep breath and squared his shoulders. “My name is Lieutenant Xander Lee, I am a theoretical physicist here at P.E.I.P. I have been working on the mission against Wiggly for the past 11 years, not long after you went AWOL if I’m not mistaken.” While he was talking Xander sat down in the chair opposite the other man.

“Huh, I guess that was thirteen years ago. Wow time really flies when you’re helping bring a god into the world.” Wilbur sighed and leaned back in the chair, gesturing wildly as he talks. “Anyway, let me guess, you want me to tell you about what Wiggly’s plan is and how you can stop him and yada yada, so on and so forth. We both know that I’m not going to spill anything. You’ll threaten me, I’ll laugh it off. If you have any guts you might pull out some of the torture techniques, or I’m sorry, I suppose they are calling them interrogation methods these days. No matter what you do, however I will still not tell you anything. This will go on for God knows how long until you or one of your guys kills, either on purpose or an accident, probably the former however. Or, and this is the version I prefer for obvious reasons, I escape, taking out a large number of you as I get to the portal. So let’s skip all that and talk about something more interesting instead.”

Xander slowly nodded his head. “You seem rather sure of sure of yourself Cross.” emphasising a lack of rank. As far as he was concerned, Cross lost all rights to the title the moment he willingly returned to the Black and White. “Well if you don’t want to talk about the safety of the entire planet, because naturally that's much to boring, what would you like to talk about?” He leaned forward in the chair, elbows on the table with hands clasped in front.

“Well, that's an easy one. There is only one thing on this miserable planet worth talking about. John McNamara.” It was evident that Wilbur was trying to catch Xander off guard, but it didn’t work.

“Great idea, let's talk about General McNamara. While he was stranded in the Black and White with you what happened? What did you do to him?” Xander was secretly proud of the fact that he kept his voice professional and even.

Not that it mattered.

Wilbur’s eyes flashed with anger and slammed his hand against the table, making a loud noise in the small room. A man with lesser nerves would have jumped out of his skin, but Xander on the other hand didn’t even blink at the miniature temper tantrum.

“What did I do to him? What did I do? I saved his damn life. If it wasn’t for me he would be dead.” Wilbur snarled, baring his teeth as he did.

“Hmm, you say you saved his life, but why was his life in danger, how did you save him, and maybe even more importantly, why?” Xander was unfazed by Wilbur, knowing the best way to handle the situation was to ignore the emotion and get the answers he needs.

“He was dying, his body was disintegrating, his body burning away atom by atom. I used some of my power to keep him together. I don’t exactly know how I did it, but the important thing is that he didn’t die in my arms.” Wilbur was pacing back and forth in the room, running his hands through his hair, almost seeming to forget that Xander was in the room. “You have no idea how it felt to actually feel the life drain out of him.” Xander’s jaw clenched slightly at the mental image Wilbur was painting “I’ve never felt so helpless before and-” Wilbur stopped in his tracks, turning to glare Xander, jabbing a finger at him. “Why do you care why I did it?”

Xander straightened back up and took a deep breath. “He is my commanding officer, it is my duty to insure that he has not been compromised by anything that might have happened during the time that communication was cut off while he was in the Black and White.”

Wilbur shook his head. “No that’s bullshit. What's the real reason? And don’t give me any more of that ‘it’s my duty’ crap. John and I used that excuse all the time back when-” He cut himself off again, glaring at Xander “You. You’re sleeping with him aren't you?”

Xander prepares for an attack, but is surprised when Wilbur starts laughing and collapses back into his chair.

“That is none of your business, now-” Xander is cut off by Wilbur speaking loudly over him.

“Oh this is precious. You do realize that you are just a…… cheap replacement for me. Now that I’m back in the picture well…. it’s not looking good for you. I almost feel bad.”

“I think you are wildly overestimating, whatever the two of you had before.” Xander tried to ge the situation back in hand by getting the conversation back on track. “However, this is not the point of this conversation. If we could get back to-”

“We were engaged.” Wilbur pulled a chain out from underneath his shirt, hanging on it was a well cared for engagement ring. “So no, I don’t think I am overestimating anything. It’s a little sad actually, you really think he loves, or at least cares for you, don’t you?”

Xanders jaw clenched when Wilbur pulled out the ring, and looked away from it, readjusting his glasses. He takes a few deep breaths before clearing his throat before speaking again.

“Again, this is not the point of this conversation. I-” There was a knock at the door and Xander quickly stood up and moved over to it, secretly glad for the interruption. Erik opened the door, standing firmly in the doorway.

“Sir, General McNamara is awake and asking for you.”

“Thank you Private. Why don’t you retire for the evening? It’s been a long day and we need you at your best for tomorrow.” Xander patted the younger man on the shoulder. Erik nodded and turned on his heal, walking down the hall. Xander turned back to Wilbur. “As much as I would love to continue this, it seems I am needed elsewhere. Perhaps it would be best to think about your options. Even if things do go one of the two ways you thereoised it’s not going to be pleasant for you in the meantime.”

Xander exited the room, ignoring the call of ‘Be a dear and tell him I say hello, won’t you?’ from Wilbur as he does so. He double checks the door, making sure that it is closed securely. He rests his head lightly against it and sighs, taking a moment to collect himself before he moves down the hall, shaking his head once as if to dislodge the thoughts Wilbur firmly placed there.

He shouldn’t be doubting John. In fact Wilbur is sure that he had a good reason for not mentioning the extent of his relationship with Cross. So what if they were engaged? That stopped mattering the second Cross betrayed his country, or hell the entire planet, as far as Xander was concerned. And he was certain that John felt the same way.

Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I guess I lied, Wilbur is still a gigantic a hole. 
> 
> I'm really excited for this next chapter Y'all, it's got Xander and John being cute (and also a little h/c) BUT mostly fluff.


	4. Chapter 4

The scene that Xander walked in on in the infirmary was almost comical. John was sitting propped up in a small hospital bed arguing with his attending doctor, and kept reaching to pull the I.V out of his hand. The doctor, however, was having none of it. She was a tall African American woman who had a very confident air about her. Her whole posture and attitude screamed ‘I’ve worked hard to get where I am and nothing you can say will make me feel less than I am’. She was arguing right back with him, slapping his hand away anytime it got close to the I.V.

Xander paused for a moment at the door, leaning against the frame with a smile crossing his face, taking in the chaos that that only John would be able to cause after everything that happened. It only took a few moments for John to notice him standing there.

"Xander, thank god you’re here. Can you please tell her that I am fine?” As he was speaking he went to pull out the I.V again, using the fact that she also looked over at Xander when she noticed him at the door to his advantage. Without even having to look back over at John she slapped his hand away yet again, causing him to cross his arms and sigh. 

“Come on John, there’s no reason to pout about it. I’m sure that Doctor Tudor is just looking out for you.” Xander moved further into the room, nodding at the doctor as he passed her before coming to stand next to John’s bed.

“Pouting!” The man cried, playfully outraged at the accusation. “I am not pouting. I am a General, and Generals do not pout. I can’t believe you would accuse me of such a thing!”

“Uh- huh. Whatever you say John.” Xander turned to the Doctor “If you have anything else you need to work on, I can keep an eye on him.” 

Doctor Tudor thought on it for a moment, before relenting. “Make sure he stays in bed. While he seems fine, we don’t know what actually happened so we don’t want to take any unnecessary risks.” After getting Xander and John’s agreements (the later grumbling underneath his breath, but agreeing non the less) she took her leave, closing the door softly behind her.

The moment she was gone John pounced on the I.V, pulling it out of his hand before reaching up to remove the Nasal Cannula from his nose. 

“John-” 

“Xander. All she said is that I needed to stay in bed,not that I needed to keep all this junk on.” He dropped the items on the side table like they did something to personally offend him. Xander couldn’t help but laugh at the other man's antics, leaning down to give him a kiss.

John smiled into the kiss, returning the affection. The two men kept it chaste however, not going to far. Xander pulled back first because he did have some serious questions to ask. He pulled the chair he sat in not that long ago closer to the bed. 

“So how are you really feeling?” John shifted in the bed, looking away from Xander ” You can be honest, it’s just me.” Xander reached out and took John’s hand. 

“I feel…. different. I’m not really sure how to describe it. I can tell that something is different, but I don’t know what. It’s…. actually kind of disconcerting.” John smiled at Xander “Other than that though, I’m fine. I’m not in any pain, or sore, or anything like that. I’m ready to finish this mission.” 

“Do you think you can answer some questions?” Xander shifted into a professional mindset, sitting up straighter in his chair. He was now in charge of the crusade against Wiggly and his minions, at least until John was cleared for active duty.

“Of course, what do you need to know?” John recognized the shift in Xander and resisted smirking. He would never admit it, but John found Xander’s in charge voice very attractive. The fact that Xander could take charge so well was part of the reason John fell in love with him. Sometimes it all got a bit much for John and it was great having someone he trusted that he could hand control off to. 

“I think it would be best if you start with a detailed account of what happened after you ran into the portal and if I have any questions about anything, or need you to clarify something I’ll stop you, sound good?” Xander pulled out a notepad and a pen, nodding at John to start when he was ready. 

John explained the events as best as he could, Xander stopping him several times, but staying quiet for the most part, taking notes as the other man spoke. “- and the next thing I knew I woke up here. I wish I had been able to learn more about what Wiggly was planning, but that’s all I know.” Xander finished taking his notes, pretending to reread them for a moment to give himself time the debate if he really wanted to ask the next question. He almost decided against it, but ultimately he had to know. He sighed and put the note pad to the side, clicking his pen shut. 

“I have one more question, but this isn’t Lieutenant Lee asking General McNamara, this is just Xander asking John. And I ask that you please be honest with me.” John noticed the shift in mood and tensed slightly, but keep his face and posture the same, determined not to show how nervous he is about whatever Xander is about to ask. 

“What was the true extent of your relationship with Wilbur Cross?” 

John sighed, he knew this would be coming eventually, but he had hoped that he could put it off for a little longer. He pushed his hair back from his face He waited a few more moments, the silence in the room defining, before beginning to speak.

“Wilbur _was_ my mentor, I never lied about that. But, there was more to it than just that ...” John trailed off. Xander gave him a moment before trying to get him talking again.

“How much more?” 

“A lot more. As I’m sure you’ve already figured out, we were together. In a similar sense to how you and I are.” John was looking down at his hands, pressed against the sheets.

“Were the two of you….. engaged?” Wilbur didn’t want to push, but he needed to know, needed to hear it from John. The man in question looked over at him, a bit of shock clear in his eyes, as if he was surprised that Xander knew that detail. In lieu of a verbal answer he just nodded his head once.

“Why didn’t you tell me John? We’ve been together for the past seven years and you never once mentioned that. I had to find out from him. What, did you- did you think I’d react poorly. Do you not trust me?" John reached out and grabbed one of Xanders hands, holding it tightly.

“Of course I trust you. I trust you more than I trust anyone. At first, it honestly didn’t matter. I was telling you a warning story to make sure that you knew the dangers of what we were doing here. Anything beyond that was not important. Then you and I got closer and it just never felt like the appropriate to bring it up.”

“And you loved him? Right?” Xander regretted asking it the moment it came out of his mouth, but he couldn't take it back. Even if he could, he's not sure he would want to. 

“Jesus Xander, what kind of question is that. Yes I loved him. Of course I did, or else we wouldn't have gotten engaged. I thought we would be together forever. When he left, abandoning everything we had been working towards here, abandoning me, I was devastated. I thought I would never feel love like that again. But then you came along.” John sounded like he was pleading with Xander at the end. 

“So was I- am I just a convenient replacement for him.” Xander quickly stood up from his chair, moving away from the bed only to be stopped by John’s hand tightening its grip on his own. Xander could have easily pulled out of the grip, but chose not to. 

“Hey, of course not. Xander come here.” John gently pulled Xander to the small bed, glad when the man came along and climbed on next to John. It was tight, but they made it work. He softly put his hand on the back of Xanders neck and brought Xanders head to his own chest, wrapping his arms around the younger man, holding him close. 

“I am so sorry if anything I’ve said, or didn’t say has made you feel this way. I love you so, so much Xander. I promise that you are not a replacement for anyone else. You are so uniquely and amazingly you. I feel so blessed that you chose me to be with. I can not imagine life without you.”

Xander leaned in close to John’s chest, absorbing the mans heat, listening to his heartbeat and the vibrations of his voice in his chest. A few tears escaped Xanders eyes, making John’s shirt wet, but neither of the men cared. 

“I’m sorry John, I shouldn't have asked. I know you love me and that’s all that should matter. Your past doesn't matter, it’s your future that I care about. I love you too.” John’s arms tightened slightly around him, and in turn Xander nestled closer into his chest. John reached one arm up to the top of Xanders head, running his hand through the other man's short hair. He continued to whisper words of praise and love to his partner. 

Laying in John’s arms was something that Xander never thought he would get to do again. It felt so natural, so comforting that that all of his anxiety from the days events drained out of him. Xander felt himself nodding off to sleep, but didn’t fight it off like he usually would, in fact he embraced sleep tonight. He was quickly asleep. 

John noticed a little while later that the other man was asleep, and with nimble fingers and practiced movement, removed his glasses from their spot perched upon his nose. Softly chuckling at the memory of one time when he let the other man sleep in his glasses and when they woke up the glasses were twisted beyond repair. Now talk about seeing a grown man pout. 

Even though he had just woken up an hour or so ago, John was undeniably tired. Almost dying can really take it out of you. He quickly followed Xander into a peaceful sleep, his arms holding the other man close to him, as if afraid to let him go even while they are both unconscious.

Doctor Tudor came back a few hours later to check in on her patient. She softly knocked on the door, but when she received no response, she quietly opened it stepping into the room. She didn’t make it far, however. She looked at the two men curled tightly into each other on a hospital bed that has barely enough room for one full grown adult, set alone two, and smiled softly to herself. She decided that she could run her tests in the morning, not wanting the wake them up. As she quietly exited the room, she turned the lights off. 

She supposes that Lieutenant Lee was right, he could do the impossible and keep the General in bed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter both made me very happy and very sad to write. John and Xander are so soft and I just want them to be happy, is that too much to ask? 
> 
> Wilbur is back in the next chapter, and he's definitely up to something.


	5. Chapter 5

John was woken the following morning by a loud knock on the door. He was still curled up with Xander, their legs tangled together. He glanced down at the other man and smiles softly before softly calling for the person at the door to come in.

“General McNamara, we need to do another physical exam, just to double check that there were no negative side effects that we missed yesterday.” Doctor Tudor walked into the room, looking down at the papers on her clipboard. She looked up at John before her eyes flickered to Xander . She shook her head with a small smile on her face. “Unfortunately we will need you up and out of the bed soo…”

John looked back down at the sleeping man and spoke quietly “Xander, it’s time to wake up.” Said man muttered and leaned more into John’s chest. “Come on love, you need to get up.” When he still showed no sign of waking up John leaned down slightly and kissed him softly. That seemed to work, and when the kiss ended (to soon in Xander’s opinion, but there was someone else in the room after all)

“Lieutenant, perhaps you could go get changed. I know you’re still in your uniform from yesterday. You could bring the General fresh set of clothes when your done.” The doctor was clearly trying to nicely ask him to leave, so Xander took the hint. He climbed out of the bed, planting a kiss to the black of John’s hand, grabbing his glasses from where John at placed them the night before, and slipped out of the room. John watched him go, a smile on his face.

“He good for you general.” John looked over at her. “I remember a handful of years ago when you wouldn’t have stopped until you collapsed in exhaustion, and then forced yourself to do it again the next day. It might not be my place to say this, but hold on to that one.” John stood from the bed and tilted his head in agreement.

“You said you wanted to do another physical?” John attempted to get the visit back on track, hoping that he would be cleared to leave the infirmary. He’d been there for less than twenty four hours but he was already feeling a bit of cabin fever. John was a man that needed to be on the move almost constantly, so being put on bed rest (even if he had been asleep for most of it) was maddining.

Doctor Tudor started performing the necessary tests, occasionally stopping to ask if something hurt, or if everything felt right. John answered honestly. The physical didn’t take too long, maybe fifteen or twenty minutes. The Doctor finish taking down her notes and looked up at John.

“Well it looks like everything is fine. Heart sounds normal, lungs are fine, nothing out of the ordinary. I’m going to go ahead and release you from the infirmary. I am not, however, going to clear you for active duty yet. I want you to come back tomorrow for another physical, and if everything seems to be the same, I’ll approve you for active duty.”

After getting the man to promise that he would take it easy today and not do anything strenuous, Doctor Tudor wished him a good day and left the room, passing Xander as he reentered the infirmary. He had changed into a pair of dark wash jeans and a dark green button up, bringing John a similar pair of pants and a royal blue turtleneck. The man had owned this particular sweater for several years so it was soft and worn in all the right ways, but still looked nice.

“So, how was the checkup? Everything ok?” He asked as he handed the clothing to the other man, giving him a kiss on the cheek as he did so.

“All good. I’m cleared to leave, but not for active duty yet.” John stepped behind a curtain in the room and quickly got changed. He took a hair band off of his wrist and started pulling it back as he walked back around the curtain. When Xander saw him a soft smile spread across his face. “What’s that look for?”

Xander shook his head “Nothing, I was just thinking how lucky I am to be with you.” John couldn’t help himself, he crossed the room in a few steps and captured the other man’s mouth with his own. The kiss lasted longer than the last one, but was still very chaste, after all anyone could walk by and see. While it wasn’t a secret by any means, they did try to keep it professional. Due to the fact that John is Xander's commanding officer all it would take is one person to get angry at either of them and make a nasty rumor, and it could completely ruin both of their careers, or even their lives.

When they broke the kiss, John grabbed his dirty clothes and headed to the door. “Let’s get out of here before I go crazy.” Xander followed him down the hall, hands clasped behind his back, keeping pace with John easily.

As they passed by their shared room, he stopped in quickly to put his dirty clothes in the hamper and grabbed one of his guns, checked that it was loaded and the safety was on, and tucked it in the back of his waistband. John may not be cleared for active duty yet, but he would be damned if he was walking around unarmed with an enemy in their base.

Speaking of….

When he exited the room he asked a question that had been on his mind since he woke up the day before. “So where’s Wilbur, I assume that he’s here.”

Xander nodded “We have him in interrogation room 4 under surveillance. I went to question him yesterday, but couldn’t get any relevant information out of him. We had someone bring him food and water earlier this morning.”

“I want to go see him.” John stated confidently striding towards the room in question.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea John. Especially not given your past history with him.” Xander counters.

John stops mid step and turns to look at Xander, face blank. “Are you saying that I can’t be impartial, it hasn’t been an issue up to now.”

“You haven’t come face to face with him until now, at least not outside of the Black and White. John, listen it’s not that I doubt you. I just- I have a bad feeling about it.”

“Lieutenant, I am ordering you to take me to see Wilbur.” Xander was stunned, John had never pulled rank on him before, not even before they were together. It hurt Xander more than he thought it should. He schooled his face into a blank expression before responding.

“General, you have not been cleared for duty yet, and that leaves me in charge of this mission. I will not let you endanger it for some stupid sense of pride.” John’s reaction to that was shocked and it seemed as if he had just realized what he said.

“Xander, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean -” Xander held his hand out, effectively cutting John off.

“I know you didn’t. But that doesn't change my answer. Until we are one hundred percent certain that nothing Wilbur did affected you in anyway, it is in the best interest for everyone involved that you do not have any contact with Cross.” Xander’s voice was firm and left no room for debate. John reluctantly agreed and the two of them continued down the hall.

While John was not cleared for active duty, he was able to help Xander out with his work, not that he needed it. But after John almost died, he wanted to spend as much time with Xander as possible. He watched Xander work, and let the other man bounce his ideas and theories off of him.

A few hours later Xander was deep into working on an equation and John felt that he was being more distracting than helpful , so he quietly slipped out of the room. John wandered around the halls, nodding at the soldiers he past as he walked the halls.

His feet unintentionally led him to the door to interrogation room 4. He stopped outside of the door for a moment and looked at it. The guard in front, saluted him “Are you here to talk to the prisoner sir?”

John hesitated for a moment before nodding and walking through the door as the other man opened it.

Wilbur is sitting leaned back in his chair, feet propped up on the table, eyes closed with a slight smirk on his face. “Back again Lee? Well I’m sorry to tell you, but I still don’t feel like answering your questions. So unless this is going to be a bit more interesting then you will be sorely disappointed.”

John took a deep breath before speaking “ It’s me Wilbur. How are they treating you?”

The man in question’s eyes flew open and his feet fell to the ground. “John” after staring at him for a moment, Wilburs lip quirked up into a smug smile. “I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist coming to see me, what can I do for you?”

John walked over to the table and pulled out the chair across from Wilbur and sat down in it. “I wanted to come and thank you for saving my life. It’s was something you didn’t have to do, but I appreciate it. But I also came to ask you why you did it.”

He waved off the question “Oh it doesn't matter why I did it. I have my reasons and that’s all you need to know about it.” Wilbur stood up and walked around the table, leaning against it next to where John was sitting. “But I want to talk about you. More specifically you than that Xander guy. Were you really that desperate after I left? Dose he fuck you like I used to? Give me all the fun details”

John quickly stood up and moved to the door “This was a mistake, I’ll be leaving now.” Wilbur reached out an arm a put it on his shoulder.

“Oh come on now, I was just teasing. Don’t be so sensitive. I’m honestly curious. Come now, tell me about him.”

John sighed and turned so he was facing Wilbur, looking for any sense of malice or trickery but found none. “Xander Lee is one of the most intelligent men that I have ever had the pleasure of working with. He is an extremely skilled soldier and will never give up on a problem that he’s working on until he sloves it orr is forced to stop. He is one of the only people who will call me out when I’m being unreasonable. He’s always willing to keep working well into the night with me and doesn't complain a single time. Even-” He’s cut off by the other man.

“Yes, yes I get it. He’s a hard worker and blah, blah, blah. That’s not what I’m talking about. Tell me about the personal stuff, I want to know what you see in him.” John’s eyes narrow at that. “Your alway so suspicious, we were close friends once, weren’t we? Friend’s talk about this kind of thing.”

“Friends don’t move my heart Wilbur, you know that.” John was wary about whatever Wilbur was planning, but couldn't see the harm in playing along for now. Who knows? Perhaps playing the other man’s game would get him to open up in return and he might slip up and tell them some valuable information.

“He’s… amazing. He has such a kind heart. He gets so excited when he solves a particularly difficult equation. I love the slight rasp in his voice when he wakes up in the morning, and the way he looks at the end of a thirteen plus hour shift. His hands are so soft, and they fit into mine perfectly” As John speaks his voice gets softer and a smile graced his face without him even knowing it. Wilbur watched him intently, almost as if he was looking for something, but was unable to find it.

“Well he sounds like a wonderful fellow. And from my brief conversation with him, he seems to be besotted with you. It’s almost going to be a shame to watch you break his heart.” Wilbur said this so calmly and matter of factly that it took John a moment to register what he was saying.

“I’m sorry, but what do you mean by that?”

“Well, now that I’m back you don’t need him anymore. We can go back to us. Won’t that be nice. We can finally get married, just like we planned.” Wilbur reaches out and takes both of John’s hands with his own “We can leave, get away from all of this. From PEIP, from Wiggly. It could be just you and I.” He was all but pleading with the other man. John shakes his head softly and pulls his hands out of Wilburs grip.

“Wilbur, I can’t. I can’t abandon all the work I’ve done here. I can’t stand by and let hundreds of thousands of people die. I can’t leave Xander. Years ago I would have said yes in a second, because I was hurting when you left. But now? Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t. You left. You made that choice, and now I need to make this one. For the good of not just myself, but the entire planet.”

Wilbur was not happy with that response, and it was obvious on his face. If looks could kill, John knew he would be dead on the ground.

“I saved your life McNamara, you owe me for that. When I left, it had nothing to do with you. I was doing what was right, what no one else had the guts to do. You still belong to me.” He grabbed John by the shirt and dragged him forward into an angry kiss, one hand staying curled into John’s shirt, the other wrapping around his side, pulling him closer. He bit down on John’s lip to gain access to his mouth. When the man gasped in a combination of shock and pain, Wilbur took the opportunity to deepen the kiss.

John was frozen in shock, this was not how he expected this conversation to go. If anything he expected to be attacked, not kissed like this. After the shock wore off, he got angry. Who the hell does Wilbur think he is. He was the one who walked out of John’s life thirteen years ago. And now he comes back in here and acts like John was his property of something? This was not ok.

John pushed Wilbur off of him and pulled his right fist back and punching Wilbur across the face, sending him falling back against the table.

He’s not sure what reaction he was expecting from Wilbur, but him laughing definitely was not it. “Look at you John, you’ve got a bit more bite to you now, I have to say I like it.” John is suddenly filled with the urge to throttle the laughing man, but stormed out of the room instead, completely missing the fact that his gun was no longer tucked in his waistband.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got away from me while I was writing it.  
> John you big dummy, why would you try to pull rank on Xander, that is a real jerk move.  
> I was planning on having Wilbur just be a complete dick, but noooo he wanted to be soft for a second.
> 
> Also, now he has a gun. So yeah, that can't be good. 
> 
> Anyway feel free to join the Black Friday discord I made.  
> https://discord.gg/f88FjFT


	6. Chapter 6

John didn’t want to bother Xander, so he angrily wandered around the halls, where before he was nodding at the people he passed in the halls, now he was glaring at anyone who had the misfortune of getting in his way. Agents moved quickly out his way, no one wanting to get the attention of the General while he was in this mood. 

As he was making his second lap around the relatively small base he heard a voice calling to him. “John! Wait up.” He turned, ready to say something he would probably regret later, only to see Xander coming down the hall towards him. It was as if all his anger melted away the moment he saw the other man. His whole body relaxed and he smiled. Xander’s face, on the other hand, went from a look of happy contentment to concern. 

“What happened? Are you alright?” John was confused as to what he was talking about. As Xander reached John he reached up to John’s lip and wiped away some blood from a split lip he had. Damn, Wilbur must have done that but John was so angry that he didn’t even notice. 

“It’s nothing Xander, don’t worry about it.” John reached up with his right hand and lightly took Xander’s hand, only to have the other man gasp when he saw John’s hand. Xander flipped their hands over a took a closer look at John’s hand. 

His hand had a small cut on one of the knuckles, it wasn’t anything major. But his hand was already turning an ugly shade of purple and was swelling a bit. Another thing that John must have missed when he left the interrogation room. 

Xander grabs him gently by the arm “Come on, let's go get you bandaged up.” John thought that Xander would lead him back to the infirmary, but was pleasantly when he instead brought them to their room and took out a first aid kit from the closet. He had John sit down on the edge of the bed, Xander kneeling on the floor in front of him with the kit on the bed next to John.

He started with the other man’s hand, gently disinfecting the cut before wrapping up it up and moving to his lip, disinfecting it as well. The two of them sit in comfortable silence while he dose this, John thanks him as he stands up and puts the first aid kit away. 

“So, do you want to tell me what happened?” Xander asked, sitting down on the bed next to him. John leaned his head against Xanders shoulder. 

“I went to visit Wilbur today. I know you told me that I shouldn't but I couldn’t help it.” John sounded apologetic, but Xander was still frustrated by the fact the John went behind his back. Before he could say anything John continued to speak. “He said somethings that I didn’t like and I got angry. We got into a little scuffle and I punched him in the face. I guess I hit him a little harder than I thought. I’m sorry, I went behind your back.” 

John didn’t want to tell Xander about the kiss. He knew that the knowledge of it would hurt the other man, even though John didn’t participate at all. John would do anything to keep Xander from feeling hurt by something like this. God John really hopes that he broke Wilbur’s nose. 

“If I’m going to be honest, I kind of expected to you to that. I’m not happy about what you did, but you wouldn’t be you if you didn’t. I’m just glad you didn’t get more hurt, and that you didn’t kill him.” Xander was quiet for a moment before “Oh my god, you didn’t kill him, did you?”

John laughs “No, he’s still alive.” 

“Hmm, that’s a pity”

“Xander!”

“I’m just kidding.” The two men break out in laughter, it’s not really that funny, but they haven’t really had much to laugh about recently so it’s more of a catharsis experience for them. After a moment, Xander wrapped an arm around John and pulls him backwards so they flop against the mattress, they are both still laughing so hard that they are crying.

Xander turns on his side, so that he is face to face with the other man, just looking at him as he’s laughing. John sobers up and looks at Xander intently.

“I’m sorry Xander. I shouldn’t have tried to pull rank on you earlier. It was wrong of me and I promise not to do it again unless I absolutely have to.” Xander sobbers as well at John’s words.

“It’s… well it’s not ok. I’m not going to lie, it hurt me. I know that you didn’t mean anything by it, so I forgive you. Just promise me that if we disagree on something like that again, and it’s not a time sensitive issue that we’ll talk about it.”

“Of course, I promise. I love you Xander.”

“Yeah, I guess I love you too.” 

The two of them just layed there, basking in each other's presence for a while before John yawned before asking “What time is it?” Xander pulls his phone out of his pocket and looks down at it.

“Twenty after three.” John rolls his eyes and gently takes the phone, placing it on the nightstand at the side of the bed.

“You know, you really should wear a watch. Time is precious, almost as precious as you.” John said as he places a kiss on Xanders wrist. Xander rolls his eyes and runs his thumb across John’s bottom lip, careful of the cut on his lip.

“You know it gets in my way while I’m working on equations.” John just hums in response, leaning his head closer to Xander’s hand, letting out a yawn as he does. 

“John, if you’re tired go to sleep.” 

“Mmm not tired, just need to rest my eyes.” He responded very unconvincingly as his eyes slide closed. Not even a full thirty seconds later John is softly snoring. Xander repostions, moving so John is leaning up against his chest. He looks down at the other man for a moment before reaching over to his nightstand, grabbing his book and settling in to read for a little while. Xander’s free hand reaches up and starts running it through John’s hair as he slept. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know! I know! This is really short, but I just really wanted to give them some more time together before... what's about to happen happens.
> 
> I just really want John and Xander to be happy, but my brain is evil so..... 
> 
> Come join the Black Friday discord  
> https://discord.gg/f88FjFT


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: THIS CHAPTER HAS VIOLENCE AND DEATH.  
> None of the major characters die, but still.

The two men’s peaceful afternoon was interrupted rather quickly by an alarm going off and the sound of people running in the hall. John jolts awake and the two of them spring into action. Xander draws his weapon and John reaches back to the place where he stashed his gun earlier, only to have his hand close on empty air. He frantically tries to think about where it could have possibly gone, only to freeze when he remembers to that when Wilbur kissed him, he reached behind John’s back.

“Shit.” John breathes out as he reaches into his night stand to pull out his spare weapon, and the two of them run into the hallway, passing several injured and some dead agents as they follow the path of bodies to the portal room.

When the get there the sight before them is horrifying. There are many more agents on the ground, some of them are clearly still alive, with some others it is hard to tell. Standing near the portal controls is Wilbur with Erik at gunpoint.

“I don’t have to hurt you kid, just open the damn portal.” He gestures to the controls with the gun. Erik looked unfazed if you didn’t know him but John and Xander did know him, they had taken this young man under their wing. Neither of the men would admit it, but they thought of the young man, who was barely over eighteen, as a surrogate son. They could see the slight tremble in his hands that he had clasped firmly behind his back.

“No.” Erik managed to keep the fear he was feeling out of his voice and Xander was proud of him.

“Hmm, well I guess that’s it then.” Wilbur lowers his weapon for a moment, looking over at the portal, before raising his gun, the gun that he had stolen from John, and pointing it at the boy’s head. He pulled the trigger, killing the boy instantly. He fell to the floor, eyes still open head lulling to the side so his face was looking out towards John and Xander. It seemed as if the dead boy saw staring at them, asking why they didn’t save him. John’s hand clenched around his gun so hard that his injured hand started throbbing, and before could do anything reckless, Wilbur grabbed his arm, getting his attention. He jerked his head to the side quickly communicating a plan with John with just eye contact. John nodded and Xander quietly stole into the room, walking quietly around the edges and trying to remain hidden behind anything that he can. John knows what he has to do.

“Drop the gun Cross.” John calls out gun pointed steadily at the other man. Wilbur turns to face him, a demented smile on his face and blood splashed across his face.

“You know I can’t do that John, now why don’t you come over here and open the portal for me.” Wilbur waves him over with the gun, John shakes his head.

“I’m not going to do that Wilbur. It’s over, you can’t win this and you know that.” Out of the corner of his eye he could see Xander sneaking behind Wilbur, but Wilbur showed no sign of seeing him.

“John, think about it. All you have to do is open the portal and everything will be ok. You and I will be ok.” He pulls the necklace with the ring on out with his free hand. “You loved me once, and I know you still do. We were good together, let’s get back to that.” Wilbur was speaking with a low, convincing voice. John thought back to all the good times that the two of them had, gun lowering slightly as he did, before shaking his head as if to clear the thoughts from his head.

“No, I don’t love you. Maybe I used to but not anymore, not seeing the man you’ve become. I love Xander and there is nothing you can say to change that.”

“John, if you really loved him, you wouldn’t have kissed me earlier today.” Anger flared up in him at that.

“Maybe I hit you harder than I thought , because if you remember correctly you grabbed me and kissed me, I pushed you off, punching you in the face.” Wilbur’s face darkened at the reminder.

“Fine then, I guess I’ll have to do this the hard way, Now you wouldn’t want me to get rid of Lee like I did with that kid, would you?” Wilbur pointed his gun at Xander’s head without looking, smirking at John’s hardened expression. “Now drop your weapons, both of you.” Wilbur looks over Xander and watches him put his gun on the ground. When that is done he grabs Wilbur by the arm and pulled him in front of him, using him as a human shield and pressed his gun against his temple.

“Now John, open the damn portal or I will blow his brains out here and now.” John places his weapon on the ground and moves slowly towards the controls with his hands up, not wanting to give Wilbur and reason to get startled and pull the trigger.

“Ok, I’ll open it, just don’t do anything you’ll regret.”

“Believe me John, I wouldn’t regret this in the slightest.” He dug the gun harder against Wilbur’s temple. Wilbur kept his face neutral and hands raised in the air. John gets to the controls and begins slowly opening the portal.

“John don’t-” Xander starts to speak, but is silenced by Wilbur hitting him in the temple with the butt of the gun. John tensed up at that, but didn’t dare stop what he was doing, fearing how other man would react if he did, not thinking that he would be able to see Xander shot point blank range with his John’s own gun.

John presses the final button and the portal whirls to life. He turns to Wilbur, hands raised again. “Ok, it’s open, now let Xander go.” He begins moving slowly towards the men.

“Oh don’t think that I should just yet. If I do what’s to stop you from shooting me if I do. No I think I’ll let him go once I’m safely through and back in the Black and White.” John’s eyes widened as Wilbur started moving to the portal dragging Xander who was moving sluggishly, with him.

“No! You can’t do that, you know he’ll die if he enters the Black and White without a suit.” John kept moving, a little quicker now that this new threat was on the table. John remembered what it felt like when he was in the Black and White and wouldn’t let Xander go through that.

John managed to get close enough to grab the gun in Wilburs hand. The two men fought over the gun, Xander getting pushed out of the way, hitting his head against one of the desks as he fell. John manages to get the upper hand and disarms Wilbur.

“I did not authorize you to use my firearm.” Wilbur sneered when John said that and ran into the portal, disappearing into the Black in White all to similar to the way he did the same thing all those years ago.

John immediately runs to Xander’s side, dropping to his knees next to the other man. “Xander, are you ok?” Xander moans and lifts his head slightly, he is, thankfully, still conscious. John notices a cut on the other man’s head, but other than that there is no physical sign of injury.

“I’m ok.” Xander answers, voice a little slurred, but still clear enough to understand. John pulls him into a tight hug, almost as if Xander will disappear if he loosens his grip. “You have to go after him John. You can’t let him get away with this. Look at all the damage he’s caused, all the agent’s he’s killed.” He gestures over to Erik’s nearby body.

“You’re right. I’ll be back soon. I promise.” John pulled Xander into a deep, intense kiss, savoring it before he forces himself to break away, and runs into the portal.

He ignored the sinking feeling that it might be their very last kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is really short, but I just had to put the end of the chapter at that point!


	8. Chapter 8

John emerges on the other side of the portal, entering the Black and White. He looked around frantically trying to find the other man. He spotted the other man’s rapidly retreating back and chased after him. Wilbur had a head start, but John was faster. He quickly closed the gap between them. When John was about twenty feet away from the other man he brought his gun up and aimed it him. 

“Wilbur stop running. I will not hesitate to shoot you!” Wilbur stopped and chuckled, looking over his left shoulder at John. 

“I knew that you’d come after me John, I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist.” He turned around, facing John fully. 

“It’s over Cross. Did you really think that I would let you get away with killing so many of my agents?” John took a few steps forward, but Wilbur countered by moving back a few steps.

“I don’t care about that. And honestly, neither do you. You know what this is about. You and me, just like it’s always been. Now that it’s just you and me, you can actually stop and think about it. You know we belong together, I know you feel the pull, almost like the universe wants us to be together.” 

“You’re delusional Cross. You’re not making any sense, and you have to know that.” That seemed to make Wilbur angry.

“No John, I’m making more sense than I ever have. Wiggly told me that we would be together, he promised that you would be mine. Don’t you see? I need to be with you. I love you!” Wilbur’s hair was hanging in his face, and he was gesturing wildly. It was honestly a frighteningly sight, but John refused to let it affect him. He lowered his gun slightly.

“No you don’t Wilbur. Maybe you used to, but whatever feelings were there before have been twisted into something much darker. Think about it Wilbur, if you did love me, you wouldn’t have done any of this.” 

Wilbur was silent for a moment, it almost seemed as if he was actually thinking about what John said, before he gritted his teeth and looked over John’s shoulder at the still open portal in the distance. 

“This is all his fault. Xander has you confused. I should have killed him when I had the chance. But that’s a mistake I can easily rectify.” He took several steps towards, towards the portal, before stopping when John raised his gun back up.

“I’m not going to let you anywhere near him.” John had a fierce determination in his voice that Wilbur had never heard before. He threw his arms out to the side, giving John a clear shot at his heart. 

“Well then you’re going to have to kill me, because if you don’t, I am never going to stop trying to get you back, no matter what it takes. I made the mistake of letting you go all those years ago, I refuse to make the same mistake again.”

This was a situation that John never thought he would be in. He didn’t want to kill Wilbur, but he couldn’t let him walk away from this. If he did then everyone would be in danger. Xander would be in danger. 

John made his choice. He lined up his shot and fired. 

Wilbur collapsed to the ground, the bullet going straight threw his kneecap, crying out in pain as he fell. 

“Wilbur Cross, I won’t kill you, but I can promise you that you will never see the outside of a PEIP cell for the rest of your life.” John stood over the injured man, looking down at him as he clutched his bleeding wound. 

John leans down, still holding his gun tightly in his injured hand, and used his free hand to pull Wilbur up, proceeding to half carry, half drag him to the portal. Wilbur weakly struggled against John, but even he John could tell that he wasn’t really giving it his all, he knew it was over.

John moved quickly, seeing some of Wiggly’s sniggles closing in on, and almost catching up to them, as the two men went back to PEIP headquarters via the portal. 

“Close the portal!” John commanded the moment they were through, knowing that agents would have swarmed the area by now. He was right and the portal was closed the moment the words fell out of his mouth. 

John shoved Wilbur off onto two nearby soldiers. “Get him patched up I want four armed guards watching him at all times. Once he cleared to be moved put him in a cell and throw the key away.” The soldiers saluted and took Wilbur away, and John turned his attention to Xander. 

The man was sitting propped up against one of the desks, Doctor Tudor kneeling next to him, trying to get him to follow the tip of her pen with his eyes. John walked over to them and kneeled on Xanders other side. 

“How’s he doing Doctor?” He kept his voice low, knowing that Xander might be sensitive to sound right now. Doctor Tudor put the pen in the pocket on her coat and began speaking, her voice just as soft as John’s.

“Well, he definitely has a concussion, getting hit that hard twice in such a short period of time is definitely not a good thing for a brain. He’s showing a number of symptoms such as slurred speech, nausea, difficulty concentrating, and a few others. Without a brain scan I can’t tell yet if there is any serious brain damage. I also want to give him a few stitches for that nasty cut on his temple.” She spoke with a low, professional voice using two fingers to gesture towards Xander. “Would you mind helping me move him to one of the spare rooms in the infirmary?” 

John slipped one of his arms underneath Xander’s legs, the other going behind his back and very carefully got to his feet, holding Xander bridal style. He seemed to just notice John, and looked up at him with bleary eyes.

“Hullo” The doctor was right, John could definitely tell that Xanders voice was heavily slurred, it almost sounded as if the man was drunk. “Did you get him?” 

“Yeah Xander. I got him. They’re locking him up as we speak.” 

“Well that’s good. You did a good job.” Xander reached up to pat John on the cheek, but missed. 

Doctor Tudor cleared her throat, bringing John’s attention back to her. She tilted her head slightly, indicating that it was time for them to begin moving. John moved slowly but surely careful not to drop Xander as he stepped carefully around the bodies in the room. 

They passed a handful of more bodies in the halls, but John refused to look at them, focusing squarely on Xander. The fact the Xander is breathing and alive and right there in his arms. John clutched him a little tighter, appreciating the heat the other man was giving off, picking up on the slight smell of Xander’s favorite cologne, just barely detectable over the smell of gun oil and blood. 

When they make it to the infirmary, John’s hand is screaming at him in pain, but refusing to let that distract him as he set Xander down gently on the bed. At some point, Xander must have curled his hand into John’s shirt, and he wasn’t letting go now. John tried to untangle the hand from his shirt, but had no luck. John sighed and looked over at Doctor Tudor. She shrugged and walked over to the bed and helped him pry his shirt out of the other man’s grip. 

She pulled out some numbing gel and put it on Xanders cut, before disinfecting it and stitching the cut back together. Xander was so out of it that he didn’t even notice what was going on. If John didn’t know any better he would think that Xander was drunk with the way he was acting. He had a short attention span, going from topic to topic quickly.

When she was done she turned to look at John. “Do you think you could stay with him for now. I have to go check up on some other agents who were injured during….. all that.” When she got an affirmative response she continued to speak. “He’s ok to fall asleep, but if he does make sure you wake him up in two hours. If anything goes wrong and you need me, hit the call button on the wall by the door and I get here as fast as I can.” 

After Doctor Tudor left John sank down in the chair next to Xander and watched with a fond look on his face as the other man continued to talk about who knows what at this point. ‘

“Everything’s ok now Xander, we did it. You can go to sleep now.” It seemed as if that’s what the other man was waiting to hear, because he quickly fell asleep. 

John settled in to keep watch over Xander, reading pamphlets that doctors keep in the room for when they need to explain various things to patients. John was sure to keep an eye on the clock. At the two hour mark he leaned over and put his hand on Xander’s shoulder and tried to wake him up.

“Xander, I need you to wake up for a moment.” The unconscious man grumbled and turned away from him. John fought back a chuckle. “Come on, it’s just for a minute, then you can go back to sleep.” Xander rolled back over and his eyes squinted open, 

“Good morning?” Xander muttered out and John reached over to squeeze his hand. 

“Sorry to wake you up, I just had to check on you. You can fall back asleep if you want.” Xander looked up at him with bleary eyes for a moment before he slid over in the bed a little. 

“Hold me?” John hesitated for a moment, he shouldn’t. He’s supposed to be keeping an eye on Xander, and he knows he would fall asleep quickly if he cuddles up with Xander, he always does. On the other hand, John has always had a hard time denying Xander anything, especially with the way he’s looking at him now, so open and vulnerable. John’s mind was made was made up when Xander whispered as soft “Please.”

John carefully climbed into the bed next to him, careful not to jostle the bed too much. As soon as he was able to, Xander clinged to John, using the other man’s chest as a pillow. Xander was asleep in moments. 

As John looked down at him, he couldn’t help but smile. He had a feeling that from here on out everything was going to be ok. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well.... apparently I'm a huge slut for cuddling, especially in hospital beds. 
> 
> Originally I was going to have Xander fall into a coma and have another 5 chapters of a will he, won't he, wake up scenario, but I figured the boys have been hurt enough and just let them have a hopeful ending. 
> 
> Well, that's it folks. Thank you all so much for reading my very first multi-chapter fic that I actually finished!

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk to me on Tumblr @ ijustwantjohnmcnamaratobehappyok


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